Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
