I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
the raccoons are back...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
