I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm like, not good at living.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
