I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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