Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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