Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize