so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
