R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
