I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You took a bar mat shot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize