# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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