While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
