woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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