I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
