I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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