The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
