That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
