Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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