yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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