Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
