soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
