so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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