So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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