you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
