I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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