PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
