Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
