all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
