Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
