Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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