i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize