He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
