I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
