to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize