but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
