He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
