Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
