i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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