As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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