Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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