I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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