Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
