Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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