oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
