i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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