You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
