And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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