so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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