I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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