I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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