Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
