the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
