its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I had your ass I would rule the world
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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