well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize