You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize