I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
