the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
