I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
