either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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