so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
