That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
