If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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