respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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