So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
