I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
