I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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