you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
