Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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