You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize