She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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