Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
