he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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