totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am available for nakedness
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize