The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
