Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
