I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
