Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
