I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sponge bath it is.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
