I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
