alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
