all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
