I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
