Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
