I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
