my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i came on her dog
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
