We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
