This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
