that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
