Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
