im drinking this country out of the recession.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
