no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
