I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
