dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
