New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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