dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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