I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
