Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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