i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
