Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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